Cautious Happiness

As anyone who has read this post of mine is aware (and apparently a lot of people read it, far more than I would have ever imagined), five months ago my wife and I suffered a loss.

Today, we have happier news, though it is not something we intend to share with anyone right now. But I can share it here because, well, this is anonymous. I'm sure anyone with half a neuron who is reading this has by now figured out what I'm getting at. Yes, today, this very morning, less than two hours ago, two pink lines declared to us that my wife is pregnant. Again, this was about as planned a pregnancy as one can get. We had to make calculations, go around work schedules, schedule it so our daughter was taken care of, and so on. Some might say that takes the romance out of it. But then making a baby isn't about romance, it is about biology. And about being responsible enough to make sure you can take care of the baby when it comes.

We don't want to have to share it, then have to tell everyone we lost it again. That was too hard to do. So we are waiting until about 12 weeks into the pregnancy to do so (10 real weeks plus the fake two on the front - I've always found it strange that they measure weeks of gestation from two weeks before you had sex), if we make it that far. Which coincidentally will take us to right around our daughter's 2nd birthday. At first we weren't going to tell anyone, then my wife decided she just had to call her mother. Then she decided we should tell family in general. Again, because this is anonymous, I share this here. Mostly we don't want to let people at work know. At either of our works.

I realize this is early. Very early. As in, as early as the pregnancy tests of today can tell you at home - we went through three tests before we got the positive, but then we started checking rather, uh, quickly. The second pink line is definitely there, but faint. There was no second line at all for the first two tests, taken five and three days ago respectively. Truthfully, after the first test was negative, I was sure this meant she wasn't pregnant. I guess I was wrong about that. I was even more sure after the second test, which my wife took without mentioning to me. So today, when she decided to test again, I thought it would be a waste of a test and said so, but still, curiosity got the better of me. Sure enough, pregnant. We are both worried. We know first of all that a lot of early pregnancies terminate on their own. That actually wouldn't be as bad as what happened last time. We are going to be paying close attention to any bleeding. My wife is scared about that, not just about losing the pregnancy, but herself as well.

So for now, as the title of this post says, I'm cautiously happy. We are going to wait and see how it goes. But I just had to share it, even though this is anonymous. Wish us luck.

Oh, and by my calculations, the due date would be March 4, though that may be adjusted after an ultrasound at 20 weeks. We sure as heck know the date and time of the act that led to conception. But then there are variables after that that are less clear.