In all of these discussions in various places about feminism, sexism, racism, privilege, and so forth, I'm starting to see a common theme, something I've seen before. Or maybe that's not the right way to describe it.
I am starting to wonder if part of what some call privilege is not really privilege, but just part of the misperception that someone else has things easier than they really do based on the perception fallacy encompased by the old saying that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill" or is that fence? Like how when you pick the line at the grocery store, only to see the other line move faster (or appear to) or when you pick one lane of traffic, and the other line seems to move faster. Or when you look at someone's life that seems so wonderful and wish you had their life (though I must admit, I'm pretty happy with my own).
Before I proceed further, let me first make clear that I'm not saying there aren't legimate examples of advantages - obviously, if you are not getting hired or you don't get a promotion because of your race/gender/etc. then that is significant and it isn't just about perceptions. I'm not talking about the big and obvious things here. I'm talking about the subtle things, the things that some would question whether they are even privileges at all. Like saying women are "privileged" in dating because they generally don't have to be the one to make the first move. Or that conversely, men are "privileged" because they can go to a bar and not be bothered and hit on when they just want to spend time with their friends.
I've often heard it said that as a man, I can't evaluate male privilege because I'm a man and I can't see it as easily. But of course if that is true, then the same is true for women not being able to see female privilege as well as a man. But what if what is "seen" by a man in terms of female privilege or a woman in terms of male privilege is really just a case of not having walked in the other's shoes so not really realizing that what is seen isn't a privilege at all. Maybe it is just seeing a difference, and then assuming that this difference favors the other party because "the grass is greener" over there in that other gender. Like my example above. It is two sides of the same coin. There are really pluses and minuses to both situations. Shy women have a massive advantage over shy men in the dating context because of the fact that women don't have to make the first move (generally speaking) while men do. But then the "price" for this is that women also have to deal with a lot of unwanted men making attempts at "first moves" with them. Which side really has it better? Truly, how can you say unless you've been both a man and a woman and experienced both and then could compare? And since really no one could really experience that (or very very few could) - how is one to really evaluate a claim that one is "privileged" over the other. And thus, "the grass is greener" seems to win out and you have both genders claiming the other side has it better. When in reality, who can really say? It is not like it is a mathematical equation you can balance out. There are advantages and disadvantages that vary greatly depending on one's other characteristics (like shyness or one's attractiveness).
I wonder if this is part of why in most discussions I've had about privilege, there seem to be some women who absolutely refuse to acknowledge even one single female privilege, though I suspect it is more complex than that. But it may partially explain the inability of some women to see it.
This phenomenon extends to more than just privilege discussions. I see it when discussing history, for instance, particularly with those of a right-wing bent, but not necessarily exclusively so. In that context, the grass is always greener in the past, better known as idealization of the past. As if we lived in this perfect world of harmony back in the 1950s or (pick your era) and how only today have things gotten bad or kids gotten out of control or whatever. And yet if you read newspapers going back 200 years, you see the same laments there as today - somehow the past is always better and things are always going bad today. And then you go back further, and find the same thing. You go back to Socrates and see him being accused of corrupting the youth. And then you realize that there was no ideal time, that sure, history has its ups and downs, but probably, by and large, things have gotten better in many parts of the world, not worse. At the very least, people are really no worse than we ever have been. People are people. And people apparently can't help but see the grass as greener on the other side of the fence known as the past. We do that with the future as well, imagining flying cars and so forth, though I suppose there are also those with a bleak view of the future - but I think that is just an extension of the past idealization - like taking the imagine graph of "ever worse" from the imagined past and extending it forward.
I don't pretend to claim that this perceptual phenomenon of seeing the greener grass explains a whole lot, but I think it is a factor one needs to keep in mind. I think that if we actually stepped into the shoes of those people we imagined to have life easier than us, we would find out that actually, it wasn't as easy or nice as it first appeared to be. That perhaps we only saw what we wanted to see - or only saw the positive, not the negative that went with it.
Another example of this is the gender/income divide. On the one hand, the higher paying professions seem to be more stocked with men than women. Men making more than women, bad for women, right, good for men? But part of this, perhaps most of this, is from men selecting professions based on income over other considerations, like whether they find the work fulfilling. And I see that as really a detriment for men, who often feel tremendous pressure to make money, sacrificing those things in life that I think matter more, like time with your family. I'd much rather make less money and see my daughter grow up than make millions and miss her childhood and have her be a stranger to me. So who really is privileged from that situation, men or women? Or neither?
In thinking on this, an old SNL sketch came to mind with Eddie Murphy. In it, he did an "experiment" where he put on makeup to look like a white man, then went out in the world and "acted white" and saw the reactions he got. In the first scene, he goes into a store, and everything is normal, until some African-Americans leave, then the white storekeeper just hands him some free merchandise and tells him to take it and go. And so on it goes, all sorts of wonderful things that apparently only white people get that he now gets too because of the disguise. It was funny. It ended on an even funnier and actually somewhat enlightening note - after showing all of the great things white people gave only to other white people, he then showed a long line of African-Americans getting made up in chairs to be white just like he was, with the warning that those perks now could be given to non-whites, so better think about that when giving them out. (Ok, it would be easier just to do a youTUBE link of this than try to describe this all from memory, but hopefully you get the idea).
What made me think of that was the notion that the sketch implied that there are all sorts of benefits that white people get that others aren't aware of - but the reality of it is, they don't; at least, not the perks shown in the sketch. But I wondered if non-white people imagined that there was some sort of equivalent thing going on out there. It would be all too easy, as a minority, to blame discrimination for every thing you failed to get in life. Perhaps it was discrimination in some instances, but what if it was not? I'm white. I have not gotten every job I've ever applied for. I've actually tended to strike out more often than not. There are plenty of other things I've not gotten as well. Were I a minority (which in one sense at least I am), but were I a racial minority, how likely would I right now be attributing all of those failures to my race as opposed to something else? If you are predisposed to see racism everywhere, guess what, that's what you'll see. Even if it isn't really empirically there.
I've often seen it said that certain privileges are "subtle" and unspoken, and that's why you don't see them, but really, how do you know you are really discerning a subtle privilege as opposed to just imagining one because that's what you expect to see? Unless all white men are supposed to be perpetually unemployed, then you can't attribute racism and sexism to all employed white men just for being employed - even absent discrimination of any sort, white men will still get hired for work and promoted and so on.
Ok, now I've wandered all over the place and must get my daughter now. But one last thought, only somewhat related. I've seen it repeated again, on the Alas discussion, how other factors don't matter with "privilege" because all things being equal, a disabled, dumb, or otherwise disadvantaged white man will be in a better position than an African-American with the same characteristics. But again, that misses the point. Some characteristics simply matter far more. For instance, even if you accept for the sake of argument that to be the case, such that a transgendered white man is better off than a transgendered African-American man, odds are, in most job interviews, if the transgender part is obvious, then that is what will make or break the interview, not race. In that case, race would probably often be made totally irrelevant, having been totally crowded out by the much larger factor.
In the end, I think we all need to realize that no matter how good we think someone may have things, unless we walk in his or her shoes, we really don't know what his or her life is like. It may be far worse than we think, and even far worse than our own life. What seems like a great perk may, in actual practice, be a penalty or a detriment. Or may at the very least have other side-effects you don't consider unless you have that particular attribute. That's why I try to take everyone as an individual and why I get so annoyed when I see people taken more for their demographics than for who they are as individuals. I'm sorry, you can't just look at a person and decide whether or not they are privileged knowing only their sex or their race. You need to know a lot more about them. To reduce someone to just their gender or their race is the problem. No amount of fancy redefinition of words can change that.
Oops, I'm late.